eight.

day 8.
eight fears.

1. Not Being Good Enough.

    I have always been afraid

    of not being perfect.

    Or not having people be proud of me.

2. Divorce.

    It completely freaks me out.

    I never wanted to get married

    because I was always so afraid of this.

3. Dying.

    Not death. I'm not scared of the act of death.

    or what happens after.

    I'm scared of dying before I'm able to

    accomplish everything I want to accomplish.

4. Rollercoasters.

    Absolutely terrify me.

    I bawl my eyes out if someone

    trys to make me go on one.

5. Falling Out Of Love.

    Not me falling out of love

    but I'm scared of Josh falling

    out of love with me.

    In 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now.

6. Hate or Rejection.

    People hating me

    scares me soo badly.

    So I can be a pretty big

    pushover at times.

7. Insects.

    Every insect completely freaks me out.

    But it is impossible for me to kill them.

    I feel so bad for them and always think about

    how scared they must be.

This last fear is so unbelievably superficial
I cannot even believe I'm about to write this.
But...

8. Weight.
    Gaining weight scares me.
    It does. I can't help it.
    It scares me even more that I'm afraid of this.
    It makes me wonder about what type of person I am.
    I like to think of myself as NOT a judgemental person.
    In fact, I'm not a judgemental person, I would never not be
    friends with someone because of how they looked or dressed.
    But when it comes to myself, I'm SO judgemental. I always have been.
    But I think a lot of people are pretty hard on themselves, right?
    I think most people have things that they hate about themselves.
    I've had body image issues since Jr. High.
    I don't think they will ever completely go away.
   
So there. I can't believe I just wrote that.

I can't help but tell you not to judge me for that last fear.